The Phantom Pooper

I love having a dog, but I don't always love the things that have to come with it. I love it when she wants to get close, but I don't always love the hair she leaves behind (in fairness, my wife probably says the same about me). I love it when she licks my face, but I don't love the odorific smell that comes with it. I also love that she is a good size at 50 lbs, but I don't always love that because she is a little bigger she also leaves a little "more" behind. Nonetheless, all of these things I can get through because she is my dog and I made the conscious decision to get her, so therefore, I can get through the hair, the breath, and picking up what we like to call "signature Sadie steamers."

Now, what I don't understand is why some people think they are immune to having to do what every dog owner is supposed to do. On top of that, I don't understand why one of these people's dog has determined to mark its spot (about 12 of them actually) right at the base of my stairwell. Its prime location means that when I take Sadie out for her daily duties, I have to delicately work my way through this area that is reminiscent of an Othello game board. Because of this, I have about four times daily the opportunity to under my breath visciously talk tough this anonymous and seemingly absent pet owner of whose dog I refer to as "The Phantom Pooper."

So, taking matters into my own hands, I did what any 1st-Amendment-loving-American would do: I made a sign. I took the backside of a Digiorno's box (thanks Super Bowl Sunday), a black Sharpie, a 2" x 1" piece of wood that I just happen to have lying around, and a large grocery bag, and wrote the following:

Pick up YOUR dog's poop*.
Signed,
The person who has to walk over your dog's poop to clean up his dog's poop.
*bag has been included to help during economic times

Whether this will work or not, has yet to be determined, but given I don't really "work" for a living right now, I might just have to sit down there for a day--or two, or three--to see what's really going on and put an end to all of this. My guess is, I will end up getting reprimanded by my landlord for the sign, but hopefully as they walk out into this landmine of patchy snow, they will have some sympathy for the sign maker.

So if you are out there owner of the Phantom Pooper, I ask you one more time, please, do what you are supposed to do as a dog owner, because seriously, I don't think I should have to deal with this...crap.